January 14, 2018
As I sat listening to a friend of mine tell me that happiness is all there is to seek, the only goal in life. “We are meant to be happy, why wallow in sadness or even grief; it’s such a waste of time.” I call BULLSHIT on that.
According to Wikipedia, “Happiness in philosophy translates the Greek concept of eudemonia, and refers to the good life, or flourishing, rather than simply an emotion.” According to Psychology Today, they stated that “happiness is not the result of bouncing from one joy to the next; achieving happiness typically involves times of considerable discomfort.”
Now I am a huge advocate of being inspirational and living a positive life! That being said, At times it’s necessary to show our own vulnerability. It involves allowing those dark nights of the soul experiences, or sadness, or life altering physical, emotional or spiritual chaos. It means sitting quietly and working through all those emotions. It means some very hard to endure lessons; at times acknowledging our own vulnerability and accepting we do not have all the answers. How else does one grow and learn if we are always in a constant state of happiness? We are bound to crash at some point because that is not what our journeys are about. If we were perfect, our time on this earthly journey would be up and we would take a lovely ride into the tunnel that takes us to the other side. I admit that for me, to show my vulnerability is a hard thing to do. Growing up I had to always be the strong one, coming from a very abusive household; can you imagine as an empath what that would feel like? It was crazy and most of the time I didn’t know if it was my emotions or someone else’s. That’s when my writing began. I also admit that choosing to sit quietly and listen from within is a very challenging thing; and painful at times.
For me I don’t try to pursue happiness; I just walk my journey with my heart as open as I can, embrace my faults, enjoy those things I am passionate about; writing, photography, traveling, adventures, hiking and sharing those passions with others. When the emotions of past hurts begin to rear up, although hard, it’s time to go within and work on letting go and heal. I for one will admit that at times I refuse to acknowledge those hurts and instead continue to hike, to go on another adventure, you get the idea. We can only go so long before we will get a 2 x 4 across the head that we are not paying attention to the signs. I’m a huge synchronicity follower but alas, I am human and can ignore the signs like the best of us. My recent scary hospitalization was another 2 x 4 for me. I had been ignoring the signs, the inner conflict surfacing and I just didn’t want to deal with it. Enter necessary “down time”. It forces you to take time for yourself; egad, self care?
I made a goal to take care of me first, and I have been dropping the ball. I am so used to caring for others; I once again had forgotten me. Why do I keep doing that? Well, the message was clear; it can keep me from dealing with my own hurts and pain. Imagine that! Now mind you, I am still happy and I continue to enjoy my passions and sharing with others, but if I don’t deal with my own demons I will get another 2 x 4! Those are quite painful and I don’t want another one, so I will keep on healing, one layer at a time. Self care people, self care! My dream last night was yet another reminder. I was a part of a huge event taking place and was assigned so many tasks that I couldn’t keep up. I was overwhelmed and running around like a crazy, exhausted person. The event organizers were on my back constantly. When I stopped for a break and sat with others to view a lovely and peaceful show, they found me and admonished me. In the end I realized it was too much and had not allowed myself any rest or down time. I was late in getting to the event, although there were helpers who showed up at the last minute.
So, back to the pursuit of happiness. I am reminded that some things aren’t meant to be pursued. Like going after the wrong people for a relationship, pushing ourselves on the opposite sex for instance, only to be rejected. That denotes lack of self respect! Don’t pursue, if things are meant to be, they will find you. Walk your own journey, live your life, take care of you first, allow your heart to stay open, deal with those demons, and happiness will find you. No need to pursue it. Trust that all is meant to be, have faith in the journey and by all means, LOVE YOURSELF first. If you can’t love yourself, you can’t really love others.
Today I will sit
Alone with myself
Today I put others
Back on the shelf
Today is about me
And not about you
I’m going within
There is work to do