I’m not scared

It was one of those days. A day to spend some quiet time to ponder life’s mysteries and my own what ifs. After an appointment, I had 2 hours before my next appointment and saw that lovely coffee shop so I darted in. Earlier that morning I had seen a license plate that read 8ntSkrd. I immediately recognized ain’t scared. It never ceases to amaze me when these synchronicities show up in my life at the exact time I needed to hear them. I immediately yelled out, Hell NO I ain’t scared. When I get to sit alone in a coffee shop and listen to my own thoughts, great insights always follow suit.

I Got my Chai Latte with Almond Milk, a scone and a seat with a window view. Contemplating fear and how it has or has not affected my life, my thoughts and feelings went to my past. I grew up with many, many fears coming from a household of extreme violence and abuse. However, I got something else besides those fears…Strength. I became a very strong woman in spite of that horrendous childhood. I thought back to the many challenges and tough times I had in my life and remembered one very important thing: I NEVER let fear stop me from moving forward. That included leaving a bad relationship, moving to another city, leaving a job, starting a new career at 40, etc.

It was so nice to simply sit with my thoughts and be able to admit to myself, damn, I do have fear once in awhile, but its what I do with that fear that makes the difference. Some may choose to stay frozen with fear but that is not the way I choose to walk my path. By facing fear and taking that leap outside of my comfort zone, doing it in SPITE of that fear is what has made me be the lady that I am today. So do I get scared, hell yes. Do I let it stop me, hell no. Being proud of that aspect of me, knowing I will do what it takes to move forward, caused me to grab my pen and paper and write out another poem. When those words flow effortlessly as if my hand was being guided, it tells me the words are universal and channeled. As I arrived at my next clients house, a Red Tailed Hawk flew out of the tree and lucky me, was able to capture it soaring in flight. Ahh, another synchronicity, a message to let myself soar.

I’m not scared of what is coming tomorrow
that’s what I say as I sit here at the little coffee shop
pondering my life in the present moment
I focus on how I got here and what it is I leave behind me
So many fears, so many challenges
Some are gone, shifted out into the cosmos
to be transmuted into love and sent back out
out to those pondering the same things in life
And we all ponder
maybe not on the same pages or wave lengths
but we all ponder
my pondering leaves me with some what ifs
what if you don’t take that step
what if you stay frozen in your tracks
What if you broke that spell and you soared to a new level
with a new awareness
Because the truth is
sometimes I Am scared
but I ponder all those fears
those fears I worked thru in the past
and realized
I have never let fear stop me from making that leap
And I will never let it stop me.
So once again, taking a deep breath
here I go again
leaving that fear behind
like dust blowing in the wind…..

Pamela Sears